One of the biggest problems I’ve found whenever embarking on any kind of “personal development” (slight cringe), whether improving fitness, confidence, losing weight or anything else, has always been maintaining the momentum. I’m sure most people have experienced the same thing - after the initial buzz of excitement, the first signs of progress and the certain knowledge that this is the start of a totally new way of life, the fire just … peters out.
I’ve recently read some great blog posts on this subject. Unfortunately, because I’m horrendously disorganised and not yet in the habit of remembering to note useful references for my blog, I can’t recall where on earth I read them… So, when I read this post by Glen of PluginID, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. This is interesting, practical and easily implemented advice. I won’t waste your time repeating what Glen has written so well already - hop across to PluginID.
Read it, try it. Let me know how you got on. Me? I need to get exercising but always let the “too much work” excuse get in the way. So that’s my (first) 21 day challenge…
Nearing the end of a roller coaster week in terms of emotion and motivation, earlier today I found myself scribbling the following words onto a scrap of paper.
No problems, only challenges.
Challenges are opportunities.
Opportunities explored with open mind and energy lead to fulfillment, whether successful or not.
Failures are just lessons & further opportunities.
Successes are temporary fulfillment that must be learned from too (harder to learn from than failures).
Every day must be enjoyed, if only for the lessons it provides.
Live strong, die happy.
There is, of course, nothing new here. Nothing that isn’t repeated in one form or another in countless books, magazine articles, blogs… But these specific words came from me. Because they are mine, when I need a kick up the backside they will be that much harder to ignore.
I printed this personal mantra and stuck it to the computer screen I sit at most of the day. I hope to be able to report back that it has been difficult to ignore my own good advice, and that I find better and better things “happening” each day.
I would love to hear from others about personal messages used in similar (or very different!) ways; please add a comment and share yours.
Fear is a disease. Fear is a prison, for the inmate and the friends and family outside the walls.
Fear is also your friend; it alerts you to danger. Sabre-toothed tiger standing in front of you, salivating? Fear says run. Fast.
We must separate “good” fear, which can save your life, from “bad” fear, which is guaranteed to destroy it. “Bad” fear manifests in everyday life in every possible way imaginable. Fear that the decision you have to make will be wrong. Fear of losing someone’s love and affection. Fear of making a fool of yourself. But in every situation I can think of it is the act of allowing the fear to control the outcome that is the real risk.
Too afraid to get it “wrong”? No decision = no opportunity, and the nagging question of “what if?”
Scared of losing the love of a friend or partner? Who can truly love you if you’re not being truly yourself?
Terrified of making a fool of yourself? Then no-one’s going to get a chance to appreciate the real you anyway; who’s the fool already?
These fears and anxieties that control so much of our daily lives - so much of my daily life - must then be referred to as irrational fears. Maybe our world just isn’t dangerous enough any more. We allow fear to crawl into places it has no right to be. And it kills our lives. That should be the scariest thing you could ever face. A cancer that will destroy your spirit but let your body live on. In misery. Yet it is a disease that you have the power to destroy with will alone. Instantly.
Fear and anxieties make sense only if you believe that something outside of yourself is creating your reality. Without this conviction fear does not make any sense. - Bodo Deletz
I challenged the quote above over and over, from every angle. Tried to rip it to shreds looking for real-life, acceptable circumstances where fear - irrational fear, that is - could be rationalised. I couldn’t find one. So it comes down to what you choose to accept is out of your control and what you decide to take responsibility for. The economy is tanking - anxious about losing your job? Or taking preemptive steps to find alternative income? Fear of losing your partner’s love? If you allow that to be out of your control, you already lost.
Suck it up. Pull yourself together. Quit hiding in the corner. You can’t control the future but you can dictate how you meet it. Square on, head held high; or off-balance, quivering and scared.
Whatever you’re scared of right now, take those thoughts and strip them bare - are you really not in control? Are you trying to control the uncontrollable? I’m not socially confident; speaking to most people outside my sphere of closest friends and family creates at least moderate anxiety for me, stomach-churning nerves in some instances. Why? I don’t believe this person will find me interesting, appealing, scared they will think badly of me, not like me. So what? For a start, it’s a vicious circle: More anxious, less natural. More awkward, less connection and less chance of a mutually enjoyable conversation. Secondly, stripped back of the outer layers of the emotions, the real fear here is that I won’t feel good about myself. And this shouldn’t be something that is out of my own control, external. Working backwards from here, the same extends to problems taking criticism, fear of losing the love of a partner, fear of rejection.
I’ll be dealing with fear in more detail in future, highlighting simple, effective techniques, tricks or mind “hacks” that can help dissipate fear and prepare you better for a life free from irrational anxieties - these are the tools I’m working on to help me take control of my own chaotic mind and gain power in my own life. For the moment, just play the video clip below. Could you tell one of these people you’re “too scared” to go for that job interview, to strike up a conversation, to start something you’ve dreamed of doing for so long or to step up and take control of your own life?
Whatever you fear, if it isn’t full of sharp teeth, likely to collapse and bury you alive or otherwise kill or seriously injure you, better get to the root of the fear - and kill it first.
This is a call to action. For myself. And for anyone who cares to join in to help themself, help me and others.
I know I have the ability to achieve great things.
This doesn’t make me special. I firmly believe - all “soft” self-affirmation crap aside - that everyone has latent greatness within them. If there is one difference between the average person - maybe even the majority - and I, it’s that I know I have this potential. I’ve felt it within. And yet I have achieved very little to date in my 30-something years. In fact, when I take stock of the very best things in my life - my awesome wife and beautiful kids, a circle of true, close friends, business and lifestyle opportunities and the best of my skills, capabilities and intuition - it is clear that I consistently make the least of even those things that have been given to me free.
I know I am not alone in this situation.
Through personal development books and blogs, moving documentaries and inspirational biographies I have seen “the light” and followed others’ amazing stories of success, triumph over adversity and turnaround. But consistency is the key and, to date, I have failed outright to make any positive impact on my own story. So, I’m starting this blog as my open commitment to myself to maintain momentum in the process of unleashing the potential laying dormant inside, as a commitment to anyone that cares to join me along the way - and to move beyond “passive” intake - reading, listening, watching - to “active” practice, review and refinement.
If you’re looking for sage advice on how to achieve your dreams and live your dreams, I don’t have it. This is my journey away from a life unfulfilled and squandered - in real-time, highs and lows, triumphs and mistakes. I have no idea where it goes from here but, as long as I keep stoking the fire, I know the experience will take me fantastic places.
